"Oh right! See you all at three later! Bye!" I bided good bye to my friends as I see them take the public bus home. "Hm... I can't believe it! They are all coming to my house for study group instead of always going to Linda's house later! I better hurry home and make some lime juice for them." I mumbled to myself.
Feeling good, I hummed my way home, walking through the basketball court I always do. I can even feel that the birds are happy for me as they chirped sweetly.
I took the lift and went up to the level I lived. "Crash!" What's that sound? Where did that sound come from? A thousand and one questions started to flash through my mind. Feeling curious, I asked every single person staying at the six level where did the sound come from. I soon found out that it came from Uncle Lim and Auntie Lim's house. "Auntie Lim is usually in the market now, who could it be? Uncle Lim? No, he should be at work now. Maybe Auntie Lim is not going to the market today." I thought to myself. To my curiosity, I went to peak into Uncle and Auntie Lim's house. Very surprisingly, the door wasn't locked. Auntie Lim, someone so cautious, how would she forget to close the door? I went to the door and gently push it open.
Just when I was about to greet Auntie Lim good afternoon, a scene shocked me. The house was in a mess! Small pieces of glass were on the floor. So it was the vase that broke made that noise.
"Hurry, if not that stubborn old woman's husband will return soon." A voice came out of the master bed room. Who could that be? I peeped in, and to the shock of my life, Auntie Lim was tied up with many rounds of strings and was struggling at a corner of the room. Then, my attention shifted to two other people in Auntie Lim's room, they were at the dressing table. They were busy taking things from Auntie Lim's drawer that they did not notice me. Quickly, I got a glimpse of what they were doing. They were stealing the jewelerys and money from that drawer!
I stood trembling in fear. That was the first time I witnessed a burglary! My legs wobbled nonstop. My heart was in my mouth! I can hardly move. But soon, I recovered. I took another glance, that face looks familiar. It's Ah Beng and Ah Seng! I recognised the two notorious robbers almost in one second. Things about them begin flashing through my mind. The fact that Ah Seng was the follower, that he was a slow runner, and Ah Beng as the leader. Immediately, I fished out my hand phone and dialled for the police.
"Stop! What do you think you are doing!" a harsh voice boomed from the back of me. I turned as I got the thought of going to heaven early. "There, there, a little brat. What do you think you are doing?" Ah Beng shouted at me in the scariest tone I had ever heard.
I frozed. It's dooms day! What is going to happen? I gathered all my courage and answered as my lips shivered "Cal...cal... calling..." "Hmmm... calling the police! If you dare, I will make sure you will suffer like what that woman will suffer if she continues struggling. Ha ha ha..." That evil laugh sent shivers up and down my spines.
I had to save Auntie Lim! I don't care what she had done to me before! Nagging, scolding, telling my parents that I played computer games when I actually told them that I was going to do my homework online. I don't care! I just had to save her! With the determination to save Auntie Lim at the back of my mind, I grabbed my Wu Shu stick and gave that scary-looking giant a wreck on his head remembering my Wu Shu's steps.
"How dare you brat!" He groaned and snatch the stick from me and lift it up. I closed my eyes, awaiting for my death. One second passed. Nothing happen. Two second passed. Nothing happen. Three second passed! There was a wreck and a scream. I opened my eyes! The most horrible scene unfold my eyes. Auntie Lim was lying on the floor right in front of me. That giant was on the floor beside her with his eyes open wide. Fresh blood gushed out of both of their wound. Auntie Lim's head was severely injured and was bleeding continuously.
"I had to run! What am I going to do now that the leader is gone!" Ah Seng complained. Seeing that I was distracted, Ah Seng wanted to escape. Luckily, all my friends arrived just in the nick of time. They were stunned to see me in my neighbour's house. Timmy the fastest runner in school, got what was happening and went after Ah Seng while Jimmy, his twin brother fished out his mobile phone and dialled for the police. The rest of them stayed and comfort me. I bent down to Auntie Lim and begged that nothing will happen to her. Tears rolled down my checks as I hugged her tightly. "Silly girl, why are you crying? I thought you hated me?" I managed to hear what Auntie Lim says before her last breath."Why will I?" I replied though I know that Auntie Lim might not get to hear what I say.
"I caught him!" Timmy's voice echoed around the house with pride as he handcuffed Ah Seng. Soon, sirens filled the air, the police came. We were all bought to the police station to record our statement.
Later in the day, the doctors announced the death of Auntie Lim. I can't accept the truth but I know to have to face it.
The best day of my life soon turned into the worst. My saviour, Auntie Lim, I can never ever thank you enough...
I really like your story plot but I'm afraid to say that it does lack originality as I can see a lot of my model compo words and style in there. Many of your classmates have already used those words and also this plot.
ReplyDeleteIt will be good if you can add your own touch into the plot and make it more original. Eg. The part about one second, two second and then you open the eyes. Maybe you can write it some other ways instead of copying mine. There are many ways that Aunt Lim can shield you, you don't need to close your eyes.
Other than that there are quite a lot of grammatical errors.
All in all, if you can fix the plot using my suggestion, I will give you a grade then.
You can look at how Shaun add his own personal touch to his story. What I'm looking for is some form of originality from the writer and also some new phrases that you have picked up from your reading.